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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24382261">Of Golden Rays and Drenched Blankets</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemonicCupcake/pseuds/DemonicCupcake'>DemonicCupcake</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, LMAO, M/M, More poetic, Some graphic descriptions, lots of pain, they in college, well one of them is</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:46:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,414</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24382261</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemonicCupcake/pseuds/DemonicCupcake</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p> </p>
  <p>    <i>The lump in his throat was growing bigger. It made it all the more harder for him to breathe. The tight string of tension they had been walking on since a little while ago was slowly slipping from underneath. He was scared. There was nothing more terrifying in the moment than of him falling away. If he was going to be completely truthful, open his eyes to the very much existing truth right in front him, he didn’t want to leave.</i></p>
  <p> </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>    <i>He didn’t want to leave.</i></p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>    <i>Not yet. Please.</i><br/></p>
</blockquote>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Of Golden Rays and Drenched Blankets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>very quick fic! not much proofreading! poetic elements ahead!!<br/>also, if you want some more spice while reading this, please listen to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQPnEnKTWUE">this song</a>!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>           </p><p>            Wrapped in cocoons of warmth and sunshine, the soft sighs tickled his ear in such a gentle way that the tears kept themselves at bay by the shore. The curtains fluttered in fairy tinkles over his hunched over form, the cool summer breeze enveloping their bodies in a wistful memory. He clutched tighter at the cloth, pulling him closer, pulling him in deeper.</p><p>            There was a wild thumping down in here somewhere, and it made him smile. It made him feel real, made him feel safe and whole. As he ran his fingers into the salt and pepper locks, he reveled in the emotion of pure bliss and the seeming permanence of this hour. He missed this. He had missed this. So fucking much.</p><p>            “Bokuto-san,” he whispered, words fading softly into the fall of dusk. He himself, felt like falling.</p><p>            There was no reply from the other, just a simple and slow nod of the head. He watched the way his back stiffened, the way his hands gripped at him with a desperation that rivaled that of fear. He let out a soft exhale.</p><p>            “Bokuto-sa—"</p><p>            “Akaashi.”</p><p>            The lump in his throat was growing bigger. It made it all the more harder for him to breathe. The tight string of tension they had been walking on since a little while ago was slowly slipping from underneath. He was scared. There was nothing more terrifying in the moment than of him falling away. If he was going to be completely truthful, open his eyes to the very much existing truth right in front him, he didn’t want to leave.</p><p>            He didn’t want to leave.</p><p>            Not yet. Please.</p><p>            “Bokuto-san.”</p><p>            The arms that swathed him were shaking, fingers scraping against his back. But he couldn’t feel the physical pain when everything inside of him was breaking apart so excruciatingly slowly. The sun’s rays were dipping, the shadows lengthening across the room in a fervor that made him want to scream. Please, not so fast. Let this moment last for just a bit longer.</p><p>            “Bokuto-san.”</p><p>            Ah shit. This wasn’t it. This wasn’t it at all. The calmness in his words was too contrasted from the way his heart was closing in on itself. His vision blurred. The tears must have fallen. They rolled down and disappeared into the cavern down underneath him.</p><p>            “Bokuto-san,” he sobbed, breaths coming in quicker and heavier. The body underneath him shook violently now, still refusing to let go of a single second.</p><p>           “Bokuto-san,” Stop. Please don’t let me leave. “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>            At this, he felt time stood still. His eyes met that of golden, round ones--- the turbulence of a storm swirling ferociously amidst the striking yellows. His eyebrows were scrunched in tighter together, his forehead crinkled in the heat of every emotion that engulfed him in the moment, lips parted and words catching themselves on his tongue. The perfect frame of this one scene would forever be haunting his mind, even into lifetimes unknown to him yet. He would never be able to let go of this gold.</p><p>            “Akaashi, why are you apologizing? Please don’t apologize, please don’t apologize.” Gods, his voice. He didn’t want to let go of it, the way it cracked in the ups and downs of his every syllable. “Please don’t apologize, please don’t----” It failed off into inaudible gasps and blubbers.</p><p>            He heard his own voice giving up, giving into the sheer pain of being ripped apart. “Bokuto-san.”</p><p>            “If only I’d been there a second quicker. Just one more second, if I’d just been one second faster, I could’ve, I could’ve done <em>something</em> and I---”</p><p>            As he watched the other fall apart before him, he cupped his cheeks, thumbing the tears away and regarding every single detail of the face he held so dearly in his hands. He tried to smile, tried his best to wipe away his own tears in the brink of his own destruction. But it only paved the way for more of the hurt to arise and he quickly sunk back down into pitiful heaves and deep sobs.</p><p>            “No, no please. Let’s leave that alone. Please. I just want to . . . I just want this moment for a little longer.”</p><p>            Yes, he didn’t want to think about how they got into the situation they were in now. Not how they wound up in their shared bed in their shared apartment, clutching at one another so tightly so as not to let the other fade away. He didn’t want the thoughts to ravage him up from the inside. Not the one second of his senses lighting up, not the impact and the unusual lack of pain that followed, not the way his body seemed to hit the ground or the way he seemed to lift himself up only to look back down at his own mangled form on the pavement. Not the way the screams penetrated the stillness, not the way the sirens and the red lights prodded at him through the corners of his dying vision, not the way <em>his </em>face loomed over him.</p><p>            Not the way his golden eyes widened with the unbearable barrage of emotions, not the way he seemed to be screaming his name but every word felt like they were coming from underwater, not the way his hands were gripping at his face, at his arms, at his shoulders, at his chest. Not the way he blinked in and out of consciousness as the world shook from underneath him, the sickening white of the ambulance ceiling above him swaying back and forth, back and forth. Not the way he finally succumbed to the darkness, only to be pulled back up again by those bright, golden eyes. Those bright, oh so bright, golden eyes.</p><p>            But he wanted to apologize so badly.</p><p>            He had been tired. The body underneath no longer felt like his. His brain was the only thing keeping him anchored to what could have been considered his reality. It was the memories, the memories that kept playing nonstop, even as he consciously felt himself sink even deeper into the inescapable murk of the impending, the memories kept him upright.</p><p>            The gold kept him upright.</p><p>            But he wanted to apologize.</p><p>            Because like the final rays of the sun that scuttered back up the walls now, he remembered leaving them back then, the gold that is. He remembered leaving such sunshine yellows and turning himself towards the darkness.</p><p>            Because he was so fucking weak.</p><p>            “Bokuto-san, I---”</p><p>            He felt strong lips on his, dire and urgent. Gods, he never wished for anything more than to lay in a snow globe of these kisses forever. And so he pulled in deeper, hungry and lost and guilty and afraid.</p><p>            That’s right. He wasn’t going to let that one moment ruin this one. Because he didn’t have time, <em>they</em> didn’t have time.</p><p>            As he smiled into the warming kiss, hands wrapped up in strange locks of hair, bodies pressed up against one another, the last tears found their way into his mouth. Salty and sweet, he let it sink into his parched throat, let it sink into his broken systems.</p><p>            The sunlight was replaced by the darkness now, but it only served to brighten up those golden eyes even more. This was his sun. This was <em>his sun</em>. No amount of the night could ever extinguish such brightness that he found himself in the spotlight of.</p><p>            The words fell into place before the ticking of the clock began to shake his tired senses.</p><p>            “Bokuto-san, I love you so much.”</p><p>            Ah, salty. And sweet.</p><p>            He sunk into the other’s arms, melting into the embrace that brought on too many pasts, too many thoughts of an unattainable future.</p><p>            And yet, amidst the pain, he smiled.</p><p>            Ah, sometimes he found himself getting blinded by the brightness.</p><p>            “Akaashi, I love you too. Please,” the voice whispered, cracked and whispered, “Please wait for me.”</p><p>            But if this was what it felt like to be kissed by the sun, he could handle being blind if only to feel your lips on mine.</p><p>           </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>            Koutarou Bokuto found himself on a wet pillow, eyes puffy and throat dry. The mattress beside him felt warm. He laid there for a while longer, hitting replay on the dream he had swum in the night before.</p><p>            It had been three years since the accident.</p><p> </p><p>            He must’ve gotten tired of waiting.</p><p> </p><p>            With that thought in mind, another rogue tear escaped his tired eyes.</p><p>                             He went back to sleep.</p><p>     </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading! i draw on my <a href="https://twitter.com/insubordinating">twitter</a>!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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